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"Turning away from the light, becoming adult. Turning into myself"
I don’t want to make a big deal of this piece for what it is, but I can’t help but feel a sort of guilty fondness of it.
The lyrics are from Bloc Party’s “Banquet”, a song that is very dear to my heart and holds a number of memories both wonderful and gloomy. It served as my introduction to Bloc Party by a person who meant the world to me at the time, was the first song I learned to play on the guitar and one of the songs she and I covered in the band we formed amongst friends. It’s stayed with me throughout the years and has held my hand through thick and thin.
The photo is a double exposure I achieved in the darkroom and depicts said person from our trip to New York together. I happened to be browsing through some photos I had taken in the past after developing the ones I took in Niagara Falls during the week, and I noticed the connection between the two photos. I told myself that this unification of past memory and my current day self would be my formal goodbye to this person after our friendship took a turn for the worst last year.
As I mentioned earlier, “Banquet” holds a strong connection with her and my heart, so I felt slightly torn whenever I listened to the song as I would feel a little sick indulging in anything that reminded me of her. As time passed I began to learn that mementos could serve a purpose greater than just that. Though “Banquet” had been passed to me from her, and I had initially adopted her appreciation for it, I didn’t realize that its significance to me was growing as much as it did. I’m glad to say that while it also stands for memories of our time together, I now know that it is a symbol of inspiration, beauty and care for me.